Growing up in solitude

One of the things that affect most dramatically a person’s will and desire to follow their dreams is solitude. When solitude comes most of the people are not prepared to confront it and, instead of taking advantage from it and using it as a positive stage in their life, they fall in an uncontrolled mixture of feelings that lead them to an obscure world where they become depressed, sad, scared and weak. Most of the people try to avoid being alone and find easy alternatives to get away of solitude, filling their empty spaces with friends, new relationships, work, etcetera, and even if this is sometimes good in the way that provides distractions, they don’t take the best of their solitude and do not dedicate time to know themselves, to get advantage of those free spaces that they can assign to grow up, and when solitude come again it hit them in their face the same or in a worst way than it did before, leaving them again in a state of depression, sadness, fear and weakness, and this become a cycle in their life. Also when trying to escape from solitude most people just fall into bad friends, bad relations or bad habits and what they thought was their escape from the pain of being alone becomes a bigger pain which now they have to deal with.

So, why not take a time to reflect on the good things that solitude can bring us in our way to follow our dreams? I have been a very lonely person most of my life and only a few years ago have become a lot more social than I used to be. My solitude came mainly from my fear of people, fear to think that I was not able to fix in this world and being accepted as who I am. I have lived extensive periods of loneliness, which I never liked, but that has taught me a lot about myself and my capacities.

When you are alone you have the big chance of getting to know yourself better than any other time in your life, is when you fight alone when you get to know your capacities and you strength your character, you get deeply in touch with yourself and if you use that time in the correct way you may have a greater power than many people that lives scared of the solitude when you finally stop being alone. For me being alone it has been a time of reflection, I have started to get in touch with my deepest self, and even if it has been really hard, those moments of solitude has gave more rewards than unhappiness.

One of the main advantages of being alone is the amazing amount of time you can spend to yourself, to your personal development and the pursuit of your dreams. For me being alone has represent the greatest investments on myself, I have travel everywhere I have wanted, I have chosen to do what I really enjoy to do and I don’t have compromises with any person, which not mean I have not wanted to be with somebody or my family on those moments of solitude, but I have learned and I am yet learning how to enjoy solitude.

When you are able to center yourself in principles and in your main purpose and dreams in life, being alone become a tool in your way to become what you want and you can get the best of it if you know how to guide yourself, whereas if you center your values and feelings in the necessity to be surrounded by others then solitude can become hell. Centering yourself in what is important for your dreams to come true keep you busy and motivated during your way in life when you have to be alone. Personally I spend 3 to 4 hours daily to the development of myself, I mainly do it by reading different kind of books related with my biggest dreams, or writing (which is one of my biggest dreams), or running (which is an activity I enjoy without the necessity to be accompanied) or traveling, which I learned how to enjoyed doing it alone. Also being alone is a great opportunity to know new people and make new friendships, I regularly spend some afternoons meeting new people in the street or at pubs with just the purpose of increasing my social abilities or capacity to attract women, things that I could not do when I am in a relation.

I personally believe that I have been alone when life has wanted to teach me something very important, and even if I want to surrender many times, I have tried to take the best of the solitude, and at the end life always finish to teach me something bigger than I expected; the moments when I have had the greatest changes in my life (for good) and when I have grow up the most is whenever I have been alone. At this moment I am living one of those moments and have found many great things about myself that in any other time in my life. If you change your view of solitude form sadness and fear to a time of personal grow and development, you will have a new great perspective of yourself and your life!